Sex is taboo. That’s been told and hinted ad nauseum since school days. Talking or discussing sexual issues have been insurmountable barriers in conservative communities and families.

Add to that a total lack of proper sex education in schools and colleges, and there you have a whole crop of gross misconceptions about sex, and irrational fears and apprehensions emanating from it. There are instances where such fears and misconceptions even lead to serious psychological problems that end up affecting one’s sexual health. Needless to say, all this only contributes to discomfort in mingling with the opposite gender.

It is widely accepted and assumed that unnatural sexual traits, or for that matter a complete lack of interest in sexual matters are all symptoms of a person who lacks sex education. Since there are no proper, formal channels for imparting sex education to teenagers and youth, incomplete and information often results in unanswered questions, unclarified doubts and unwanted consequences.

To have a normal and healthy sex life, it’s important to shed social inhibitions attached to the subject and acquire complete knowledge. This Sex Guide contains important facts and information about essential matters pertaining to sex, with a specific focus on both the genders. Get answers to some basic questions related to sex, intimacy, sexual hygiene and tips for maintaining a healthy sexual relationship with your partner. Explore the Sex Guide for a healthier sex life !

source: www.health.indiamart.com/sexguide/

The first thing you should know, if you don’t already, is that women LOVE to be touched. Touch is very important to all humans, but it is, generally, much more important to women, and they respond very strongly to touch.

It is a powerful reward to a woman when you touch her, and it can instantly make her feel great. Now, of course, some women are more reserved about it…some are more formal and are not comfortable feeling such good feelings with someone until they know them well.

Some women are just closed off and don’t like anyone to enter their space, and even in a relationship, they resist having another person touch them so easily…And some women simply do not like being touched. They find it unpleasant and they recoil from it.

But the truth is, women in those last two categories (ABSOLUTELY those in the last one) have had some trauma in their lives, probably child sexual abuse, that has damaged them to the extent that they can’t accept this natural and beautiful form of shared pleasure. That’s a sad truth of the world.

For the other women, depending on their degree of shyness, touch is always a pleasure and a treat…assuming they like the guy that is touching them, and it’s appropriate to the relationship. By appropriate, I mean, a female friend might love it if you rub her shoulders, but might be uncomfortable with something more “romantic,” like caressing her hair and cheek.

I am going to talk about touching in a romantic context, whether it be on a first date or with your wife of 20 years. And I’m not talking about directly sexual touching.

Sensual touching is an art that you should definitely spend some time mastering — because it will be incredibly rewarding to both you and the woman in your life.

1.  Touch her more. However much you are already touching your girlfriend, wife, or lover…you can do it more often. I can’t emphasize enough how much of an emotional connection and bond can be formed by this simple action. Women link many feelings of sexuality,love, and trust with the sensations that are aroused in them when a man puts his hands on her.

It can make her feel both sexually excited and safe at the same time. It can also make her body release certain chemicals into her blood that make her feel more attraction to and more comfort with the man that she is with.

How’s that for the simplest tip ever?

Try it out. I promise that it is as effective as it is simple.

2. Look into her eyes. Well, here’s one that’s even more simple…but again…it’s so much more powerful than it sounds. When you are putting your hand on her, whether you are caressing or squeezing…or petting or holding or any other kind of touching…Look into her eyes as you are doing it.

You will find that if you hold eye contact with a woman — even if she looks down for a moment — she will be drawn into your gaze and that you can hold her there. This will add an amazing amount of emotional intensity to your touch. She will feel it deeply in her body.

You may think, heck, I already look at her when I touch her…But just try this — try being aware of intentionally holding her eye contact as you touch her.

I think you will find that it makes a very big difference.

3.Try touching her in new ways. There are particular types of touching that women find more romantic, more sensual, and more arousing than others. And, of course, since all women are different, you’re going to have to do some experimenting to find out what the woman in your life responds to most. The key is to really tune in to her and notice how she is responding. That tuning in or “Paying Attention” that I always talk about, is actually the really important part of this tip…

But here are a few ways you should try touching her — most women respond very positively towards ALL of them.

Pay attention to see which ones your girl goes for:

# Use the very tips of your fingers and run them very, very lightly, so that it is almost a tickle, anywhere (or everywhere) on her skin.

# Stroke her gently, but not tentatively with the entire face of your hand. Try running it up her back, her neck, her legs, arms, or the side of her face.

# Just hold her firmly. This can be such a powerful feeling for a woman. Just place your hand on her shoulder, the back of her neck, her thigh, arm, or hand…and just hold her. Let her feel your masculine strength, but don’t, obviously, hurt her. If you do this right, she should feel the tenderness and protectiveness behind your touch.

# Cup her with your hand, and stroke gently with your thumb…This combines the first idea of gentle finger tips with the last one of holding her firmly…

I particularly like to hold the back of her neck and then gently stroke her cheek with my thumb…while looking into her eyes. Also try holding the back of her head and stroking her temple, or hold her arm and stroke her shoulder, or her thigh and stroke her knee.

Add eye contact to all of these and she will melt.

# Pet her hair. I have never met a woman who does not enjoy having her hair stroked. For girls with straight hair, you can let your fingers run through it. If she has curly hair, just pet, so that you don’t get stuck and start yanking on her knots!

To really send her into orbit, start at her neck and use your fingers to pet upwards into her hair along her scalp. You can bring a woman very close to orgasm with this one.

4.Feel With Your Feelings. I saved the best one for last…but it is also the one that is most complicated to explain, and can be more challenging for some men to master. That’s because, as guys, we’re just not as “in touch with our feelings” as women are. But this is of HUGE importance if you really want to rock her world in ways that will make her forget any other guy she has ever been with.

The basic truth is: A woman can FEEL, not just the physical sensation of your hand on her skin, but also she can FEEL the emotional content of your touch.

I know this sounds a little bit “out there,” but again, as always, I challenge you to TRY it before you dismiss it because this is really an incredibly powerful truth. When you touch a woman while thinking sexual thoughts about her, and when you focus that intent into your touch, she will FEEL it very strongly… and her body will respond to it. That sexual energy will flow from you and into her.

Likewise, when you feel tender feelings of attraction and protectiveness for your woman, and you stroke her hair, it makes her feel loved and safe. And there is nothing that will provide you both with a more amazing night of mind-melting sex than when the woman in your arms feels loved and safe.

I know that I’m leaving a lot out here, and that, especially this last tip is kind of hard to wrap your brain around. The truth is, that this issue of touching with emotion is part of a MUCH bigger picture of understanding women and female sexuality, and just too big a topic for this article.

However, don’t hesitate to get started by using the great tips above. You will be amazed that even these brain-dead simple tips
can make a huge difference in how women respond to you sexually.

If you are in a relationship, you will be even more amazed at the positive changes that just a tiny bit of information can cause. You can go to a marriage counselor, or talk to a therapist, or read books on “communicating” better, but there is NOTHING in my experience that improves a relationship more or strengthens the bond between a man and a woman than touch and sex.

It is often referred to as ‘rectal sex’. Anal sex does carry some health risks, so please read our advice carefully.

Our impression is that anal sex has become rather more common in heterosexual couples, partly because they have watched ‘blue movies’ in which this activity so often occurs.

One small study carried out in 2009 suggested that 30 per cent of pornographic DVDs which are on sale in the UK feature rectal intercourse. Often, it is presented as something that is both routine and painless for women. In real life, this is not the case.

Other types of sexual activity which involve the anus include:

• ‘postillionage’ – which means putting a finger into the partner’s bottom.
• insertion of ‘butt plugs’ – which are sex toys that dilate the anal opening and create a sensation of fullness.
• use of vibrators on or in the anus (please see cautionary note below).
• ‘rimming’ – which is oral-anal contact; this carries a significant risk of infection.
• ‘fisting’ – which means putting the hand into the rectum; this activity is rare among heterosexual couples.

Taboos and infection

There are taboos surrounding the various types of anal sex – and particularly anal intercourse.

These may arouse strong feelings of moral indignation, guilt and anxiety.

It is important to remember that while some people find these activities repugnant, others may find them stimulating, exciting, and a normal part of their sexual intimacy.

Research shows that, whether we like it or not, the anal area is equipped with many erotic nerve endings – in both men and women. So it is not surprising that many couples (including a lot of heterosexual ones) derive pleasure from some form of ‘bottom stimulation’.

What about infection? Most sexual activities carry a risk of transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) from gonorrhoea and herpes to hepatitis B and HIV. There is evidence that anal intercourse carries a higher transmission risk than almost any other sexual activity. Information about these risks is given below.

Consent

What consenting adults enjoy sexually in the privacy of their homes is their own business provided that the law does not prohibit it.

The key issues are legality and consent. In the UK, anal intercourse is a legal activity between consenting men and women aged 16 and over, in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, except in Northern Ireland where it’s 17 and over.

In some countries it is still a criminal offence punishable by long custodial sentences, corporal or even capital punishment. It remains forbidden in some states of the USA, and in some former colonies of Britain.

Consent freely given by both partners is an essential feature of sexual activity in a loving relationship. Many individuals, both men and women, may have secret fantasies involving anal intercourse but feel unable to discuss them with their partner.

Some may try and pressurise their partner to have anal intercourse, even though the partner does not share their interest. Some partners will reluctantly acquiesce, others may be pressured or even physically forced to allow it.

Forcing or pressurising a partner to submit to an activity that they find distasteful or degrading is completely unacceptable behaviour.

Intoxication with drugs or alcohol is associated with lowering inhibitions and experimentation with unusual or unsafe sexual behaviour – and can lead to serious consequences.

It should be remembered that in the absence of freely given consent, the very serious criminal offences of assault and rape are committed. Therefore, it is essential that both partners agree that they wish to try anal sex as a part of their sexual repertoire and that they are sure of the legal position on anal intercourse in the country that they are in.

Who does it?

There is a common misconception that anal sex is practised almost exclusively by gay men. This is certainly not the case. An estimated one third of gay couples do not include anal intercourse in their lovemaking. About one third of heterosexual couples try it from time to time.

It is thought that about 10 per cent of heterosexual couples have anal intercourse as a more regular feature of their lovemaking. In absolute numbers, more heterosexual couples have anal sex than homosexual couples, because more people are heterosexual.

Is it safe?

Anal sex, if practised with care, is possible for most couples. It does, however, carry additional health risks and there are safer sexual practices that couples can enjoy. The main health risks, which affect both heterosexual and homosexual couples, are described below.

• Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV): there is no doubt that anal intercourse carries a greater risk of transmission of HIV – the virus that can cause acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) – than other sexual activities, particularly for the receptive partner.
• Human papilloma virus (HPV, wart virus): this can be transmitted during anal intercourse and lead to anal warts, which in turn could perhaps predispose infected individuals to cancer of the anal canal.
• Hepatitis A (infectious hepatitis): this is a viral infection that can cause jaundice and abdominal pain. Hepatitis A is not usually a life-threatening illness, although sufferers can feel quite ill. It can be transmitted by oral-anal contact.
• Hepatitis C: is a cause of progressive and sometimes fatal chronic liver disease. Hepatitis C may be transmitted by anal intercourse, although this seems to be a rare occurrence. Sharing of equipment for intravenous drug use is a far more important risk for transmission.
• Escherichia coli (E. coli): may sometimes cause mild to severe, or even (rarely) fatal, gastroenteritis. It is one of many viruses and bacteria that can be transmitted by oral-anal contact. Some E. coli strains (uropathic E. coli) can also cause urinary tract infections (UTIs), ranging from cystitis to pyelonephritis – a serious kidney infection. E. coli very readily crosses the short distance between the female anus and the female urinary opening, so causing a urinary infection. Anal intercourse can facilitate this ‘transfer’ – particularly if it is immediately followed by vaginal intercourse.

Protection

Avoiding anal sex altogether is of course the best way of avoiding these risks. There are other, safer sexual practices that can be exciting and rewarding, but many couples may still wish to try the anal route.

The use of condoms and water-based lubricants, such as K-Y Jelly, will offer some protection. Other lubricants may cause condoms to split, as will over-energetic thrusting without adequate lubrication. Specially toughened condoms designed for anal intercourse may offer more protection.

How to have anal intercourse safely

Anal intercourse involves the penetration of the anus and rectum with the erect penis for the purpose of sexual stimulation. It is possible for both men and women to ‘receive’ it, although care is needed for it to be safe and comfortable.

Ensure the anal area is clean and the bowel is empty. This is important both aesthetically and practically. If the bowel is empty, there is no risk of the receptive partner passing faeces.

The ‘receptive’ partner must be able to relax the anal sphincter in order to accommodate the erect penis. The anal sphincter is a ring of muscle that can be contracted or relaxed under voluntary control. Forced penetration may result in tearing of the sensitive skin around the anus or the sphincter itself. This may result in severe anal pain or even faecal incontinence.

Try gently inserting a lubricated finger, perhaps covered by a condom or glove into the anus first. This will enable the receiving partner to find out whether penetration is comfortable and enjoyable. Having managed to accommodate one finger, you can run the finger around the anal canal – gently stretching it. This must be done delicately so as not to cause pain or injury.

Next, you can, if you wish, try and insert two fingers. If this is successfully achieved, the couple may agree to try with a well-lubricated penis or with a butt plug (a broad-based anal dilator), dildo or vibrator (see below about the risks of sex aids and anal sex).

Gentleness, care, adequate lubrication and anal relaxation are required, not the insertive partner pushing harder! If condoms are used for penile penetration, which is advisable to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted disease, it is important to use a water-based lubricant. The insertive partner must control any thrusting, so as to give the receptive partner time to allow the sphincter to relax. With time and practice, this may become easier.

Drugs and anal sex

• Muscle relaxant drugs (amyl nitrate, butyl nitrate, glyceryl trinitrate) have been tried to make anal intercourse easier or more comfortable. We do not recommend this. Amyl nitrate ‘poppers’ sold in small bottles for inhalation, are popular in the gay community and have a reputation both for enhancing the intensity of orgasm and helping relax the anal sphincter. There is no real evidence to support these assertions and its use is not recommended by medical authorities. It is important to remember that amyl nitrate is a potent drug with many side effects, including facial flushing, headaches, dizziness and low blood pressure, which may lead to faintness and loss of consciousness. Amyl nitrate, when taken with Viagra (sildenafil), may cause a catastrophic drop in blood pressure with potentially fatal consequences. Other nitrates may have the same effect. All erection-inducing drugs, including Viagra (sildenafil), Cialis (tadalafil)and Levitra tablets (vardenafil), can be very dangerous if you are using nitrates.
• Local anaesthetics, such as lignocaine (lidocaine) cream or even locally applied cocaine, have been used to reduce anal pain during intercourse. Again, we strongly advise against this. By numbing the anal skin there is a real risk of causing serious injury to the anal sphincter through over-vigorous thrusting. By following the steps above it is possible to gently dilate the sphincter for comfortable intercourse. The purpose of pain is to make us aware that we are causing injury and, therefore, local anaesthetics should be avoided. Another problem with local anaesthetics is that they may make the penis of the insertive partner numb. This may lead to problems with erection, orgasm and ejaculation.

Fisting

This involves the insertion of the whole hand or forearm into the anus (or indeed the vagina) for sexual stimulation.

With adequate relaxation it is physically possible and may be acceptable and enjoyable for some couples. But the diameter of the hand or forearm is so much greater than that of the penis there is an increased risk of anal injury. For that reason, we do not recommend this practice.

Good anal relaxation in the receptive partner and care by the insertive partner are essential.

In practice, anal fisting is very rarely used by heterosexual couples.

Rimming

Rimming involves oral contact with the anus for sexual stimulation. This involves a high risk of transmission of infection. So we cannot recommend this practice.

Sex aids and anal sex – a cautionary note

Some couples like to use sex aids for insertion into the anus. Certain individuals may use them for solitary sexual stimulation.

The same principles apply as for genital insertion in that relaxation is essential. Sex aids must be kept clean and washed carefully between use. Condoms may be placed over sex aids as an additional precaution.

One additional risk from the use of sex aids in anal sex is that of losing the aid into the rectum.

Some medical school pathology museums have a wide selection of novel foreign bodies recovered from the rectums of both men and women, ranging from vibrators to milk bottles.

Human ingenuity seems to know no bounds in this area, but it is incredibly foolish to insert potentially breakable objects into the anus and terrible injuries may result.

If you do lose a sex aid into the rectum you should attend the Accident and Emergency department of your local hospital as soon as possible, however embarrassing it may be. The situation will only get worse if it is neglected and the object may break or become more difficult to recover.

In general, you should only use a sex aid which is designed for the anus. Butt plugs and anal vibrators have a broad base which makes it very difficult to ‘lose’ them inside the rectum.

Vaginal vibrators are not designed in this way, and can easily slip inside and buzz their way up the colon. Some have been recovered by surgeons from far inside the abdomen. If they are still vibrating when the patient arrives at the hospital, they produce an interesting but alarming phenomenon called ‘the rotating umbilicus sign’. Don’t let this happen to you.

Healthy sex involves the conscious and positive expression of your sexual energy so that it enhances your self esteem, physical health and emotional relation.

Healthy sex is beneficial to both the partners and does no harm to anyone. Sex education is limited to reproduction, birth control and disease prevention. Some information on preventing sexual abuse, sexual addiction and sexual dissatisfaction is necessary.

Information on how to overcome problems caused by past sexual hurts and sexual abuse so that we can experience healthy sexual intimacy with your partner is also very essential.

You are always bombarded with images of unhealthy sex from movies, books, on TV and magazines. You may be exposed to many episodes of impulsive and forced sex. Persons are treated as sex objects and sex is portrayed as a form of power and control over your partner.

No wonder many of us have experienced the tragic consequences of mischanneled sexual energy. This could be sexual abuse, compulsive sexual behavior, sexual exploitation, sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies and chronic sexual unhappiness.

You should spend some time together and get to know each other before you become physical. You both should have a lot of honest and open communication. It will be very helpful if you became good friends first before becoming lovers.

Healthy sex is based on some basic conditions which should be met by everyone.

1. Consent: you are comfortable and can stop the activity at any time during the sexual contact in case you are not comfortable
2. Equality: neither is dominating and each one enjoys equal pleasure
3. Respect: there is loads of positive regard for yourself and your partner. You have mutual respect for each other
4. Trust: this involves physical trust and the emotional one.
5. Safety: you feel secure and safe with your partner and are comfortable about when and how the activity takes place
6. Comfort: it is very necessary as it affirms and sustains partners with closeness, familiarity and predictability

Long term relationships:- People in long term relationships often complain about the lagging sexual energy. Hidden energy can be found when you know where to look for. You should be deeply sexual over time with your life partner as it produces both joy and anxiety that promotes erotic energy.

Bedroom talk:- Most of the times, it is difficult to understand how to satisfy your partner sexually. The basic problem is that we all feel we are experts and know what pleases and our partners. But the fact is, sex is like any other skill. You will have to learn it and practice as every one responds differently to sex and sexual arousal. You may get turned on by some thing and your partner may find the same things unpleasant or uninteresting.

To prevent this you can have a nice chat with your partner. You may come across different topics and know more about each others likes and dislikes. The more you communicate, the more relaxed you will feel and it will boost your confidence. When you are saying some thing it helps to be positive, honest and demonstrative. Ask for a feed back and inform your partner what you are going to next.

Healthy sex is always:

1. A controlled energy
2. Has a choice
3. Is nurturing and healthy
4. Expression of love
5. Sharing with your partner
6. Sex is a part of who I am
7. Enhances who you truly are
8. Private, respectful, honest and mutual
9. Intimate, safe, responsible and empowering
10. Reflects your values
11. Enhances your self esteem

You should know healthy sex from other forms of sex. Healthy sex will empower you and bring more happiness into your sex life.

“It’s naturally a time of high stress and high expectations,” says Carol J. Bruess, PhD, the director of family studies at the University of St. Thomas, in St. Paul, Minn., and coauthor of What Happy Couples Do: Belly Button Fuzz & Bare-Chested Hugs—The Loving Little Rituals of Romance. “Our culture creates images of the perfect gathering, the perfect feast, the perfect happy family gathered around the tree, the perfect couple exchanging perfectly thoughtful gifts.”

The reality, of course, is nowhere near perfect.

However, just as much as planning ahead will enable you to handle all the shopping and cookie-making, it can also help you to troubleshoot any potential relationship drama—and nip it in the bud before you’re tempted to put coal in your guy’s stocking. Thanks to this expert advice, the only romantic issue you’ll have this December is where to hang the mistletoe.

The problem: Having expectations that are too high

The solution: Be honest about what you really need—but don’t ask for the moon

The most common mistake people in relationships make around the holidays? Having expectations that are too high—and not voicing them. “People often think their significant others should be able to read their minds,” says psychiatrist Mark Goulston, MD, the author of Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.

But, as he points out, it’s unreasonable to expect your significant other to automatically know what you want, and that will leave you feeling resentful when he doesn’t live up to your unspoken hopes. Preempt a problem by making an effort to be clear about what you’d like him to do for you this December.

But if it’s your partner who tends to get upset because you can’t guess whether there are visions of sugarplums dancing in his head, ask him, “What can I do to make sure this is a special Christmas for you?” Bruess puts it this way: “If you talk with each other in a frank and honest way about what you do expect, you can help each other bring those high expectations down so the experience can be more positive.”

This week I decided to tap some real personal assets: my guy friends. Whenever I need sex advice, I turn to them! This time, I wanted to find out what I may or may not be doing wrong in bed. Hey, they know being friends with a sexy lady like me means they’ll eventually have to divulge the dirty deets on how they like to get down, or in this case, how they don’t. Here’s what these stallions told me they hate during nakey time—uncensored.

1. Ask Before You Surprise Me With A Finger In The Butt: You would think, with the prostate and all, most men would like an extra finger. Yet, I heard this straight from the mouth of a straight man: “Guys talk about a lot of dirty stuff. But I’ve never heard one of my friends being happy they got an oil check they didn’t ask for.”  Guess the male G-spot is the safe way to go.
2. Don’t Make Cute Noises When We Cuddle: Guys know they have to hold you after sex. Heck, you know they get warm fuzzies too. But making adorable animal noises isn’t a good way to say thank you. They’re creepy. You don’t want him to think your sexual style mimics a crazy cat lady.
3. Don’t Kiss Me All Over My Body: Sure, girls love this kind of pampering attention. But guys are thinking, “Why doesn’t she just get to the point and give me a blow job?”
4. I’m Not Your Doll; Don’t Try To Hold Me: Back to the post-sex spooning: He should go for it, yes. You can feel free to snuggle up on him on the sofa. But whatever you do, do not try to hold a man unless he goes in for it. This isn’t about hugs; this is about spooning and the like.
5. Don’t Fart On Me: “If you need to fart, you need to say something. And get off my face first.” My guy friend responded to my question with the most hilarious two sentences I’ve ever heard. Seriously, lady folks, don’t ruin a good thing by making him have a Pavlovian response to your booty bell.
6. Sex Isn’t A Weapon: Sex is not the atomic bomb of booty. It will not end a conflict, and holding out won’t bring a man to his knees. Using sex as a power play perverts its actual goodness. So don’t mess it up!
7. Shut Up When We’re Naked: Don’t try to get a man to finally say he loves you—or try to win an argument—while you’re having sex. Sex is sex. Don’t confuse it with the communication your relationship really needs. The only talk that can happen is the dirty kind.
8. Don’t Kiss And Tell: What happens between the sheets is our little secret. Don’t tell your friends how big his d**k is, that you fake orgasms all the time, or divulge freaky-deaky stuff you do together. If he wanted to broadcast your sex life, you would have made a porno.
9. Don’t Lie Back And Expect Me To Do All The Work: It takes two to tango. So, start using your smooth moves. If you’re not going to contribute, he might as well just masturbate.
10. Don’t Forget The Balls: They’re like the man-clit. Sure, they’re hairy and wrinkly, but your junk isn’t exactly sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. So, if you want to love a man right, don’t ignore his sweet spot.

Usnews.com reports that some pharmaceutical products may be going too far when promoting their urgency. A study found in Obstetrics and Gynecology found that while 40 percent of women complain of a low libido, only 12 percent are bothered by it.

Drugs may also have unwanted side effects, such as unwanted facial hair growth and a possible increased risk of breast cancer. Which is why the Mayo Clinic suggests that nutritional supplements such as ginko biloba may help.

However, there are natural ways to treat a low libido, and some offer other health benefits as well.

Aerobic exercise not only is a mood booster, but also improves blood flow to sex organs. However, it should be done in moderation as over exercising may lower testosterone levels.

Relaxing through yoga will negate the stress that affects the libido. Even 15 minutes of relaxing a day could show an improvement.

Not every relationship hides a secret, but plenty of people face similar decisions about how much they should tell a new companion. Some confidential information can’t stay that way forever—if you take daily medication or if you have a condition withvisible symptoms , for example. Other events in your medical history, such as addictions, mental illness, past surgeries, and health scares, can easily remain a secret—but should they?

If you’re considering telling your partner about a health secret, here are eight tips to help you spill the beans.

1. Practice what to say
Before you drop a bomb on a potential mate, rehearse your speech with a trusted friend or visit a therapist to talk it through, suggests Ken Robbins, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin–Madison.

“It’s good to have somebody as a sounding board in a situation like this,” he says. “How you handle this is not something your partner is likely to forget.”

Laurie Davis, an online dating expert based in New York and Boston, suggests asking a friend what sounds most intimidating about your condition and getting his or her advice on how to smooth it over. Getting a second opinion can help you decide how much to say (and when and where to say it), and running through your script a few times can make you more comfortable sharing your story.

“You don’t want to overwhelm your partner but you want to be sure to give him or her all of the important facts,” Davis says. “You should definitely practice before you tell your match, or you’ll most likely fumble through the conversation uncomfortably.”

Mark Snyder, a 32-year-old writer from New York City, used to dread telling a new boyfriend that he was a recovering alcoholic. “I don’t think I was ever able to shake off the feeling I was springing the information on him, usually when we were either out to dinner and he wanted to order a bottle of wine, or at a party where alcohol was introduced,” he says. “I often blurted out, ‘Oh, I don’t drink. Sorry.’”

That changed, however, as he got used to talking about his condition. “As time went on, and I got more comfortable with this side of my life, so did the ease with which I told a man not to expect a tequila-scented smooch at the end of the night,” he says. “I realize my blurting-it-out style was my own insecurities about sobriety. I celebrate it now.”

2. Never tell on a first date
“Never tell someone on a first date,” Davis says. “The results will never be favorable.”

Dr. Robbins seconds that, especially if you’re worried that your health secret “is likely to define you before the person has gotten a chance to know you at all.”

That doesn’t mean you should lie—just let your partner get to know you first. “[Revealing too much too soon] may color how your partner sees you,” Dr. Robbins says. “It defines you before you’re ready to be defined.”

Jenny*, a 25-year-old graduate student from New York, had a breast augmentation when she was 19. “I don’t really bring it up, not when I’m first dating people,” she says. “But I’ve had people ask and I’m always honest with them. I wouldn’t see a reason to keep it a secret, especially if we’re getting serious.”

If you’re worried that your health secret might be a deal-breaker, you’ll want to ‘fess up by the fourth date, says Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, a New York City therapist and relationship expert. That way, if your secret does make a big difference, you won’t have wasted too much of their time—or yours.

“Of course it can be painful, but if that’s the case, it’s better to know before you get too involved,” Sussman says. “It’s complicated if you withhold it and they find out too late. Dishonesty can ruin a potentially good relationship.”

Jill*, the 33-year-old from New York City, is currently in a long-distance relationship. However, she hasn’t told him about her bipolar disorder—yet.

“Too much too soon is not a good thing…. [But] I truly believe when you share a life with someone, you need to be in it together,” she says. “Men go bald; women gain weight after pregnancy. It’s not all roses and Champagne.”

3. Be casual yet confident
So exactly how does one reveal a secret without just blurting it out? “It’s hard not to kill the mood with your health secret, because it’s probably not something that can be easily segued from a topic you would normally discuss,” Davis says. She recommends a conversation bridge, such as, “I feel like we’re heading in a great direction, so I wanted to tell you something.”

Just don’t overdo it: “You don’t want to frame this in a way that ends up making a bigger deal of something you don’t want made into a big deal,” Dr. Robbins says. In other words, make your delivery as drama free as possible.

Allison*, a 30-year-old marketer from Baltimore, tries to casually tell dates about her multiple sclerosis (MS).

“Usually I’ll work it into another aspect of our conversation,” she says. “It’s a lot easier to tell someone I have MS as a side note in a conversation than to sit down and have a formal discussion focused solely on MS.”

However, even a casual, well-prepared speech doesn’t always meet with success.

“One guy just clammed up and didn’t want to say anything or go anywhere because, in his eyes, I might get hurt,” Allison* says. “And another guy became very controlling and tried to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be doing for my health. Um, you’re not my doctor, dude.”

Allison’s dates probably have their heart in the right place. “They’re trying to be helpful because they care about her,” Dr. Robbins says. He suggests that she have a confident, straightforward response about how she would like them to react; something like: “I don’t see this as something that defines me—but if I need help, please leave it to me to ask.”

4. Don’t have this conversation in bed—or anyplace you associate with intimacy
Although this is a good guideline to follow when dealing with all types of relationship secrets, there’s only one instance in which it is a hard-and-fast rule, Sussman says: “Don’t wait until you’re naked in bed with someone to tell them you have an STD.”

That’s true for any condition, Davis adds. But Dr. Robbins notes that if your health secret is a sexually transmitted disease (STD), you’re going to have to open up to someone sooner rather than later.

“If it’s something that’s going to have a direct effect on your partner, it’s something you’re going to want to talk about sooner, as opposed to an illness that isn’t contagious,” Dr. Robbins says. “If it’s something like hepatitis C, you really do have to talk about that very early.”

Amy, a 29-year-old graphic artist from Chicago, jokes that hepatitis C is the only thing she has in common with Pamela Anderson. But she’s serious when it comes to telling boyfriends about her illness, which she got through a blood transfusion at birth.

“There is less than a 3% chance of transmission within a monogamous relationship, but I’ve always been truthful and upfront about it, whether I ended up in a sexual relationship with someone or not,” she says. “They have a right to know.”

An ideal place to tell someone about your health secret—whether it’s a communicable disease or any other condition—is a park, Davis says. Just make sure there’s no one within earshot.

“Do not tell your partner during intimacy. Telling your partner your health secret means you are opening up to them, trusting them, and becoming more vulnerable,” she says. “The place you choose to tell them should reflect this.”

5. Seek out relationships online
If you tend to meet potential partners through online networks such as Facebook or Match.com, you shouldn’t hint in your profile that you’re concealing a health secret. However, if you’re nervous about rejection or misunderstandings, you might be more comfortable dating someone with similar health issues.

6. Know when to give your partner space
Even if you do your best to deliver a snag-free speech, it’s possible that there could be an awkward moment. “[If that happens], say, ‘I can tell by your expression that this is a lot to digest and I completely understand, and I’ll give you the time and space to do that,’” Sussman says.

Then, offer some physical distance but stay in contact, Davis says. “Give them the following day to breathe and think,” she suggests. “Call them on the third day if they haven’t reached out to you. Let them know that they are still on your mind and you can’t wait to see them again.”